Just 2 minutes ago I got to know that my friend had gone to a better place after battling with cancer for a few years. She was strong throughout. She took cancer by its horns and stared it in the face. She achieved much and inspired many.
This is a reminder that we have to live life to the fullest and make it count. Mel B, you rock forever.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Fat
I suppose I never came to terms with my fat till now. When I thought I was obese, I actually looked like I could be blown out the room with a fan. Now when I thought all in fine in my world, my MIL insinuates I am not good enough to roam the land of planet Earth because I do not have a figure to grace a centrefold and do not have kids so that other people will not look down on her. Ok. Back up a bit. My world is fine and I am very happy with all that the good Lord has blessed me.
Granted, I love my food. I proudly declare that I live to eat. I would insist on euthanasia if I could not taste food any longer. However, I surely do not think I am THAT fat for her to compile a scrap book of ads and products for me. FYI, amongst the ads are some other ads about fertility and yada yada yada.
So, the issue at hand is not about her. It's about me.
Am I really so fat? Do I look disgraceful to you and your family? Do you really need a granchild to be validated? Am I going to have kids someday? Do I know my husband's sperm count?
I already know the answers to all those questions but just needed to get it out of my system. It was a flashback to my insecure self when I was very much younger and would strive and wish I was someone I was not. Those days are over baby, I am all me and here to stay.
As I sip my tea and have a foodgasm with my butter cookie, I thank God that I am wonderfully made - warts and all :)
Granted, I love my food. I proudly declare that I live to eat. I would insist on euthanasia if I could not taste food any longer. However, I surely do not think I am THAT fat for her to compile a scrap book of ads and products for me. FYI, amongst the ads are some other ads about fertility and yada yada yada.
So, the issue at hand is not about her. It's about me.
Am I really so fat? Do I look disgraceful to you and your family? Do you really need a granchild to be validated? Am I going to have kids someday? Do I know my husband's sperm count?
I already know the answers to all those questions but just needed to get it out of my system. It was a flashback to my insecure self when I was very much younger and would strive and wish I was someone I was not. Those days are over baby, I am all me and here to stay.
As I sip my tea and have a foodgasm with my butter cookie, I thank God that I am wonderfully made - warts and all :)
35 going on 105?
What hits the snag is a bunch of 35 year olds, all pretty and dainty talking about pains and aches for 2 hours. I did not know what to do... to scream or to scream some more. Of course when I say pretty and dainty, I am not speaking about myself. They were my ex school mates who met up for dinner during the holidays.
Well, I came away from the dinner feeling all tired and sapped. No one shared any significant issues in their lives, no one edified another person (apart from dishing out advice on which doctor to go to and what how much time it took to recover from some leg pains), no one listened.
As I sat munching on my salad and nibbling some pizza, I developed an ear ache and a stiff neck with all that listening and pretending to be interested in 2 hours worth of pain.
Pain begets pain.
Thank God it was over if not I may have developed some terminal illness. :p
Well, I came away from the dinner feeling all tired and sapped. No one shared any significant issues in their lives, no one edified another person (apart from dishing out advice on which doctor to go to and what how much time it took to recover from some leg pains), no one listened.
As I sat munching on my salad and nibbling some pizza, I developed an ear ache and a stiff neck with all that listening and pretending to be interested in 2 hours worth of pain.
Pain begets pain.
Thank God it was over if not I may have developed some terminal illness. :p
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Full Circle
When I was 17 I went to this obscure village in another country. It was a life-changing experience and the seed to fight for the voiceless and to eleviate poverty flourished. I met my peers who did not have a fraction of all that I took for granted - such as parents, school, pocket money, a home, a fridge, a tv, police, hospital, clinics and a country which I could go out any time of the day and not be shot dead.
Seeing how my peers survived even with the lack of basic amenities just made me wonder the fragility of one's securities.
When I left the village and bid farewell to newfound friends, we sobbed like someone had died. They knew and I knew that the next time we ever met again was in heaven or some other place not in this lifetime. As months went by, correspondences via snail mail dwindled, postal services were unreliable and the last we heard that village was burnt down after an attack.
It has been years ... but 1 month ago, I got in contact with one of them whom I met there when he was 11. He is now in another country living out his passion as an artiste.
I thank God for His hand on my life all these years. More so, I realise God never abandoned me in my times of despair and when I thought I wasted my time not pursuing my passion. In fact, it was within His plans to mould me to who I am today.
By God enabling me to get in touch with my dear friend whom I never thought I would meet again reminds me of His faithfulness in times of my faithlessness. It reminds me of never giving up on God because He is God. It reminds me that my big picture is just a tiny speck in God's BIG Picture. It reminds me that I should clear out my cupboard more often as the younger me may have left some surprises for the older me :)
Seeing how my peers survived even with the lack of basic amenities just made me wonder the fragility of one's securities.
When I left the village and bid farewell to newfound friends, we sobbed like someone had died. They knew and I knew that the next time we ever met again was in heaven or some other place not in this lifetime. As months went by, correspondences via snail mail dwindled, postal services were unreliable and the last we heard that village was burnt down after an attack.
It has been years ... but 1 month ago, I got in contact with one of them whom I met there when he was 11. He is now in another country living out his passion as an artiste.
I thank God for His hand on my life all these years. More so, I realise God never abandoned me in my times of despair and when I thought I wasted my time not pursuing my passion. In fact, it was within His plans to mould me to who I am today.
By God enabling me to get in touch with my dear friend whom I never thought I would meet again reminds me of His faithfulness in times of my faithlessness. It reminds me of never giving up on God because He is God. It reminds me that my big picture is just a tiny speck in God's BIG Picture. It reminds me that I should clear out my cupboard more often as the younger me may have left some surprises for the older me :)
Friday, January 14, 2011
Sporadic Emergence
Being the Lockness monster that I am, this blog has just been sitting in the back of my mind.
This 2 years have been me living life and having adventures which I never thought was possible for me. God has a funny way of taking you through the unbeaten path if you ask for it. It has been a wonderful ride, with the good and the bad.
As I take stock of my life, I will not exchange it for anything in the world. I am not rich, I am not powerful, I am not drop dead gorgeous, I am not a genious, I am not famous, I am not a rock star (yet), my teeth aren't white enough, my hair is thinning, my eyebags are have their own postal address, my neck feels like a old railway track... (ok I shall stop here lest I get depressed)
BUT I am contented, I am happy, I have my family, I have good friends, I know why I am here now, I love what I do, I have food, I can come home and hug my dog, I am at peace with myself, I can always do more, I know that God is with me.
Having a fulfilled life is appreciating the untangible, taking the chances and laughing till you vomit.
Amen.
This 2 years have been me living life and having adventures which I never thought was possible for me. God has a funny way of taking you through the unbeaten path if you ask for it. It has been a wonderful ride, with the good and the bad.
As I take stock of my life, I will not exchange it for anything in the world. I am not rich, I am not powerful, I am not drop dead gorgeous, I am not a genious, I am not famous, I am not a rock star (yet), my teeth aren't white enough, my hair is thinning, my eyebags are have their own postal address, my neck feels like a old railway track... (ok I shall stop here lest I get depressed)
BUT I am contented, I am happy, I have my family, I have good friends, I know why I am here now, I love what I do, I have food, I can come home and hug my dog, I am at peace with myself, I can always do more, I know that God is with me.
Having a fulfilled life is appreciating the untangible, taking the chances and laughing till you vomit.
Amen.
Monday, February 16, 2009
One of those days...
Today, I did not want to face work.
Today, I caught up with myself.
Today, I wanted to just sit in solitude with a cup of tea and the newspaper.
Today, I just wanted to be still and ponder.
Today, I cooked dinner.
Today, I realised that I have enough hangers for 2 loads of laundry.
Today, I folded the clothes.
Today, I drank the 'Happy Drink' which was made out of Cadbury Hot choc. (Its nicer with our good ol Milo)
Today, I did not want to speak to anyone.
Today, I wished I had Astro.
Today, I wished that tomorrow was a holiday.
Today, I wished that I can just finish all my office work.
Today, I thought of all the time that has gone by and wondered what God would say.
Today, I hoped that there will be a better tomorrow, for me, my family and the multitudes out there.
Today, I am going ask God what am I here for.
Today, is the day that the Lord has made.
Today, I caught up with myself.
Today, I wanted to just sit in solitude with a cup of tea and the newspaper.
Today, I just wanted to be still and ponder.
Today, I cooked dinner.
Today, I realised that I have enough hangers for 2 loads of laundry.
Today, I folded the clothes.
Today, I drank the 'Happy Drink' which was made out of Cadbury Hot choc. (Its nicer with our good ol Milo)
Today, I did not want to speak to anyone.
Today, I wished I had Astro.
Today, I wished that tomorrow was a holiday.
Today, I wished that I can just finish all my office work.
Today, I thought of all the time that has gone by and wondered what God would say.
Today, I hoped that there will be a better tomorrow, for me, my family and the multitudes out there.
Today, I am going ask God what am I here for.
Today, is the day that the Lord has made.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
July
All I can say is ..."What a month!!!!"
Bad things happened but God meant it for good. Be encouraged. I remember when I was younger, mom used to bribe me with food to go visit the dentist. Sometimes things we go through are painful and difficult, once done, we realize that we don't have a bad tooth anymore and that we gained a bar of Toblerone (it was a BIG thing last time..)
God has his plans. Who am I to question? I am human nonetheless...I still ask questions but God surprises me with the answers. We are in good hands..
Bad things happened but God meant it for good. Be encouraged. I remember when I was younger, mom used to bribe me with food to go visit the dentist. Sometimes things we go through are painful and difficult, once done, we realize that we don't have a bad tooth anymore and that we gained a bar of Toblerone (it was a BIG thing last time..)
God has his plans. Who am I to question? I am human nonetheless...I still ask questions but God surprises me with the answers. We are in good hands..
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